Heart: Shattered in a Million Pieces

brokenheart

When the heart and soul are shattered into a million pieces and it seems like nothing will heal the broken side of you. How does one mend a broken heart and soul?

My heart and soul  have been shattered more than once. Looking back, I’m surprised I’m still here and happy. But at my darkest moments, I didn’t think I would ever love again or that I would be able to go on. I didn’t know if I would survive the excruciating pain. And there were moments I didn’t want to live.

The events that almost broke me was being with a guy that lied and cheated, events in my childhood, my mother dying and my divorce.

After being with the guy that lied and cheated, my heart closed. I couldn’t trust anyone. And I thought EVERY guy was a liar and cheater. I’m surprised my ex married me, because he put up with a lot of my anger from my heart and soul being shattered.

When my mother died I didn’t want to live, because I feared the future. I just wanted things to end, because watching my mom die it opened my eyes to how powerless I was to death.

The events in my childhood caused me pain that filled my soul with cancer. When I stopped running from the pain that I stuffed deep inside me, it ripped my soul to pieces and I didn’t think I was going to survive it.

My marriage made me not want to be in another relationship, because towards the end it was really bad and when I left there was so much peace.

So, how does one mend a broken heart and soul? Time and processing the events. Don’t avoid what has happened. Process it by feeling the pain, regardless of how much it hurts, work through the pain. Grieve, allow yourself to process the loss.

Work through the anger, because there’s a lot of anger. Understand the anger stems from the one that hurt you and that is where the anger needs to be directed. It took me awhile to recognize when my anger was from past events and when it was from something in the present. Things that happen in the present will trigger anger from past events and I had to work on not letting the past anger take over in the present.

Accept what is. The shit happen and there’s nothing we can do to change what is, so accept it.

Forgive.

Forgive, who caused the pain. And Forgive yourself, this part you have to understand you and why you need to forgive yourself. I had to forgive myself and let go of the guilt, the shame and accept the mistakes I made.

Move on with your life and leave the past in the past.

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2 comments

  1. VirtuousAlexander · March 7, 2016

    Amazing, I try to tell people this all the time while reminding myself. I’m still learning the forgiveness part – where just because you forgive doesn’t mean you should love them anymore. Love, respect, and let people go, in good taste.

    Liked by 1 person

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