I read this today on Facebook:
Brad Pitt – “People think because we are rich and famous that we don’t go through things. We are real like everyone else. We are human. My wife had got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children. She had lost 30 pounds and weighed about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs.
She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon…But then I decided to act on it. After all, I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth. She is the idol of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her shoulders. I began to pamper her with flowers, kisses and compliments. I surprised her and pleased her every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe it, but she blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much. And then I realized one thing: The woman is the reflection of her man. If you love her to the point of madness, she will become it.
After reading it, I was like, “YES…this is what women want in a relationship and marriage.” And why my marriage fell apart.
When my world was crumbling my ex didn’t do what Brad did without criticism, anger and frustration. It was, always, all about him, his needs and what my life tragedies were doing to him.
I’m not sharing this to make my ex out to be some monster, who was the scum of all men. NO…he wasn’t a horrible man. I’ve met horrible men, who hurt me to my core and my ex never did that.
I’m sharing this to help other marriages that are on the brink of ending and, hopefully, this will help save it.
After my mother died, this was the turning point in my marriage that eventually made me leave my ex, because he wasn’t there for me. I was falling apart and felt like my world was in chaos. Instead of doing what Brad did for Angelina, my ex criticized me.
He lost his job the same time I was grieving my mother’s death. I didn’t get upset or tell him he had to find another job ASAP. Emotionally, I supported him. Never did I blame him for his job loss or make him feel less of a man for not having a job.
BUT, he made me feel like less of a person, weak and always like I was the root cause of my life tragedies. By telling me, I was depressed (my mother just died, of course, I’m going to be affected), yelling at me for not doing things (cooking, cleaning, etc, which is a whole different topic of his lack of appreciation when I did those things) and the point being he just wasn’t on my side.
With each life tragedy, this is how my ex behaved, no emotional support. It became worse with each tragedy. By the time my mother died, I had had enough and he was probably fed up with all my life speed bumps (things from my childhood, my father’s cancer, my father’s death, my mother’s cancer and my mother’s death).
My ex would say he loved me, but his actions said otherwise. Yelling and criticizing me, this was not love to me. I kept telling him something was wrong, but I didn’t know why my love for him was fading to explain what I needed from him. We were in this vicious cycle of me pulling away and him doing all the things to keep my love fading.
Could marriage counseling have saved the marriage? Probably.
But both of us have moved on now. The love I had for him is gone. If we were to get back together now, it would be like a new relationship. I’m not sure I’d love him, again, because his lack of emotional support is who he is. Also, I’ve had time away from him and can see, who he is objectively, and who he is is not the man I’m looking for now.
From the books I’ve read, they’ve stated men need emotional attraction to fall in love with a woman. Ladies need the same as men to fall in love with a man, but they, also, need emotional support to stay in love with him.