Love, Trust and A Broken Heart

brokenheart

One of my friends wanted my advice about dating the other day.

She explained what was going on with her and asked me some questions. It made me think about my experiences with guys.

All of us have experienced falling in love and giving our trust to one person then have them shred our heart into a million little pieces. After our heart is broken, it’s hard to ever trust another person and let them into our heart.

I thought about my college boyfriend, who shredded my heart and made it hard for me to trust another guy. It was my ex, who I started dating after my college boyfriend, and how long it took me to trust and open my heart. Before I was able to trust and love, again, I made my ex pay for the pain, lies and cheating that my college boyfriend put me through.

It was after I was married to my ex I realized how wrong it was for making him deal with the wrath of what another man did to me.

And, I have been on the receiving end of one’s wrath, whose heart was broken and unable to trust due to what their ex did.

Trusting someone after your heart has been shattered, it’s hard. Why? Because pain sucks.

We don’t choose to feel pain. In fact, we avoid pain at any cost. Right?

But from everything I’ve experienced and all the pain I’ve endured, I’ve learned one can not escape pain. It’s part of life. So, one must deal with the pain. Feel it. Endure it. And, eventually, the pain will lessen.

It’s the only way to feel whole, again. To be able to live your life with no fear of letting someone into your heart after it’s been broken.

Graphic Design

web-graphic-design

After I taught myself how to use Adobe Photoshop four years ago, I’ve wanted to take Graphic Design classes, but I didn’t want to incur student loan debt. The hospital I work at has a tuition reimbursement program and I asked HR about it. From their response, it didn’t seem as though I would qualify for the program, because I wasn’t working in a department where graphic designers worked.

A few weeks ago, I told my manager I wanted to take graphic design classes and if I could get the tuition reimbursement. She said she would approve it. YAAAAY.

Starting this January, I’ll be busy with getting an Associates in Graphic Design. I hope to finish the program in two years.

Scammers: Tinder

scammers

I’m sharing this to warn those on dating sites hoping to find the love of their life. While on Tinder, I happen to run into one of these scammers that pose as an active duty U.S. military soldier. Their goal is to scam money making you believe that they are in love with you and want to get married.

As I was chatting with this guy, he told me he was in Africa. Red Flag number one. I wondered why was he in Africa. Wouldn’t he be in Afghanistan or Syria, where the U.S. are now? After chatting for a few days, the dude tells me he’s in love with me. Red Flag number two. I believe in love and love can happen in a short time, like six months, but not two days. He told me he could take leave for a couple weeks to a month. Red Flag number three. This didn’t sound right to me, because I dated a guy in the Air Force and I didn’t recall him telling me he could take leave when he was deployed.

So, I looked this up on Google about military taking leave during deployment. An article about these scammers was one of the top search sites to appear. As I read the article, the tips about these scammers was what this guy was doing with me.

I continued talking to this guy (texting back and forth on our phones) until he revealed how they get the money from unsuspecting females looking for love. They tell females they will take leave and tell their commanding officer they want leave to get married. He told me I had to write a letter to his commanding officer requesting he take leave and my desire to marry him. The scammer explained his commanding officer would contact me and ask for money to cover his absence, cost to come home, etc. As soon as, I had this information I stopped talking to him.

This other person texts me wanting to know why I stopped talking to this guy and the guy kept texting me wanting to know why I wasn’t talking to him. Being me, I told them to stop texting me and I knew their scam. Silence from both of them after I sent that text.

After I found out about these scammers, I get on Tinder searching for these fake military profiles. I chat with them until I know for sure they are scammers then report them. It doesn’t take long, because they ask the same questions, they can’t speak English very well and some of them I don’t think they can read English, and they are always deployed to Kabul, Syria or Africa.

Out of all the military guys I’ve matched with on Tinder and it’s a lot, there were 2, who were actually real military guys based here in Colorado. The rest (I’d say 30) who I’ve talked to have been fake accounts. I’ll keep going on Tinder and matching with these military guys to expose that they are scammers, because I think it’s horrible what they are doing.

My dad served in the Army, I have family members, who were in the military, and my ex his grandfathers fought in World War II and the Korean War, so I know the sacrifices our military deal with by serving our country. It’s shitty how these scammers are preying on women and probably men, too, using their hope in finding love to rob them of money.

These scammers need to GET A JOB!

HGTV Obsession

hgtv-personalities-tv-hosts

I’ve been obsessed with HGTV. It’s funny that I watch this channel all the time now, because my ex was obsessed with HGTV. The DVR would be full of the shows he watched and I would complain about it. I got tired of him watching this channel all the time, but I did watch some shows with him.

The four shows I like are Property Brothers, Fixer Upper, Love It or List It and Flip or Flop. I’m amazed at the renovations and how beautiful they are. Also, the stars of the shows are entertaining and funny. There’s not one show that I like more than the other. All of them do renovations, but the shows are different.

Property Brothers has twin brothers Drew and Jonathan creating a couple’s dream home from a fixer upper. Love It or List It has Hilary and David competing against each other where Hilary improves a couple’s existing home as David shows them new homes trying to get them to sell. Flip or Flop is about couple Tarek and Christina fixing up homes and some of these houses are real dumps. Fixer Upper is about couple Chip and Joanna fixing up a couple’s new home that is a fixer upper.

After spending hours watching these HGTV shows, I want the stars of these shows to do the renovations on my house when I get one.

Marriage: Forever Til Death Do Us Part

marriage

I was reading this book about relationships and I came across this passage, “There’s a common misconception that when a relationship ends, it must be someone’s fault..But what if you both simply lacked the knowledge you needed at that time to build a great partnership? Or what if you were mismatched from the get-go? Or what if that particular relationship was meant to be a learning, rather than a lasting, experience?”

We’ve been taught from probably the beginning of time that marriage is forever. Divorce should not be an option.

But divorce does happen.

And, we’ve been taught to feel like we’ve failed when our marriages end. We blamed our mate and ourselves for the divorce. The blaming made us feel like shit and made us wonder what the hell was wrong with us as a person.

But what if we stopped blaming and feeling like we failed and just learn from the marriage?

If we focused on what we learned from the marriage, would the divorce rate for our second marriages decrease?

Christmas Movies

These are some of my favorite Christmas movies. Every year after my mother died, I’ve been watching Christmas movies.

The first movie I watched was 12 Men of Christmas on Lifetime and checked out the other Christmas movies on Lifetime.

Why do I like watching these holiday flicks?

They have happy endings and festive. Every year, there are new ones on Lifetime and the Hallmark channel to entertain us during the holiday season.

Loss: Apollo Losing Him

apollo

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve wrote a blog. On October 21st, I had to say good-bye to my red dog, Apollo. A part of my heart was taken when I lost him.

Last week, I tried to write a blog about losing Apollo, but I couldn’t write it without being overcome with grief. Even now, it’s still to hard for me to discuss his death.

But, I wanted to explain why it has been so long that I haven’t written a blog.