Love, Trust and A Broken Heart

brokenheart

One of my friends wanted my advice about dating the other day.

She explained what was going on with her and asked me some questions. It made me think about my experiences with guys.

All of us have experienced falling in love and giving our trust to one person then have them shred our heart into a million little pieces. After our heart is broken, it’s hard to ever trust another person and let them into our heart.

I thought about my college boyfriend, who shredded my heart and made it hard for me to trust another guy. It was my ex, who I started dating after my college boyfriend, and how long it took me to trust and open my heart. Before I was able to trust and love, again, I made my ex pay for the pain, lies and cheating that my college boyfriend put me through.

It was after I was married to my ex I realized how wrong it was for making him deal with the wrath of what another man did to me.

And, I have been on the receiving end of one’s wrath, whose heart was broken and unable to trust due to what their ex did.

Trusting someone after your heart has been shattered, it’s hard. Why? Because pain sucks.

We don’t choose to feel pain. In fact, we avoid pain at any cost. Right?

But from everything I’ve experienced and all the pain I’ve endured, I’ve learned one can not escape pain. It’s part of life. So, one must deal with the pain. Feel it. Endure it. And, eventually, the pain will lessen.

It’s the only way to feel whole, again. To be able to live your life with no fear of letting someone into your heart after it’s been broken.

Advertisements

Scammers: Tinder

scammers

I’m sharing this to warn those on dating sites hoping to find the love of their life. While on Tinder, I happen to run into one of these scammers that pose as an active duty U.S. military soldier. Their goal is to scam money making you believe that they are in love with you and want to get married.

As I was chatting with this guy, he told me he was in Africa. Red Flag number one. I wondered why was he in Africa. Wouldn’t he be in Afghanistan or Syria, where the U.S. are now? After chatting for a few days, the dude tells me he’s in love with me. Red Flag number two. I believe in love and love can happen in a short time, like six months, but not two days. He told me he could take leave for a couple weeks to a month. Red Flag number three. This didn’t sound right to me, because I dated a guy in the Air Force and I didn’t recall him telling me he could take leave when he was deployed.

So, I looked this up on Google about military taking leave during deployment. An article about these scammers was one of the top search sites to appear. As I read the article, the tips about these scammers was what this guy was doing with me.

I continued talking to this guy (texting back and forth on our phones) until he revealed how they get the money from unsuspecting females looking for love. They tell females they will take leave and tell their commanding officer they want leave to get married. He told me I had to write a letter to his commanding officer requesting he take leave and my desire to marry him. The scammer explained his commanding officer would contact me and ask for money to cover his absence, cost to come home, etc. As soon as, I had this information I stopped talking to him.

This other person texts me wanting to know why I stopped talking to this guy and the guy kept texting me wanting to know why I wasn’t talking to him. Being me, I told them to stop texting me and I knew their scam. Silence from both of them after I sent that text.

After I found out about these scammers, I get on Tinder searching for these fake military profiles. I chat with them until I know for sure they are scammers then report them. It doesn’t take long, because they ask the same questions, they can’t speak English very well and some of them I don’t think they can read English, and they are always deployed to Kabul, Syria or Africa.

Out of all the military guys I’ve matched with on Tinder and it’s a lot, there were 2, who were actually real military guys based here in Colorado. The rest (I’d say 30) who I’ve talked to have been fake accounts. I’ll keep going on Tinder and matching with these military guys to expose that they are scammers, because I think it’s horrible what they are doing.

My dad served in the Army, I have family members, who were in the military, and my ex his grandfathers fought in World War II and the Korean War, so I know the sacrifices our military deal with by serving our country. It’s shitty how these scammers are preying on women and probably men, too, using their hope in finding love to rob them of money.

These scammers need to GET A JOB!

Random Question: Number Thirteen

Powerball

Ya ever wonder, why some people win the lottery jackpot and some people don’t?

My grandma played the Powerball every drawing. She passed away a long time ago, but I remember her, always, getting lottery tickets. My grandparents were poor and struggled with money. The rest of the family helped my grandparents and we would get my grandma lottery tickets, because we knew how much she wanted to win.

She never won.

Grandma was the sweetest lady and always baking. She was deserving of a lottery jackpot win and I’m sure she would have baked even more with all that money.

I was wondering today why some people win the lottery and why didn’t my grandma win. Some people, who won tons of money, wasted it or let it ruin their life. When the Powerball jackpot was in the billions and one winner overdosed on cocaine from partying after winning the money.

There was this show about lottery winners and I thought what a waste when one winner showed all the “stuff” he bought with the money. He ended up filing bankruptcy and spending all the money.

Winning millions of dollars, there’s plenty to keep a person comfortable for the rest of their life. Does one really need $50,000 statues?

If I won, yes, I would go on a shopping spree. And, I’ll admit it I would buy a fast car, like a Bugatti, because I’m daring and like speed…LOL. But, I would invest a certain amount of money to make sure I could live comfortably the rest of my life. However, millions of dollars doesn’t need to be wasted on frivilous stuff when there’s so many things that the money could be used for to help the less fortunate.

I would create a santuary or some kind of non-profit that saved dogs. Pups are closest to my heart, so I would take advantage of having all that money and help dogs, who need assistance and a home.

Every lottery winner should spend some of their winnings helping the less fortunate. I mean wouldn’t that be paying it forward for their good fortune?

Blog: Monetizing a Blog

website

Monetizing a blog, this has been a continuous learning experience.

Unless, you know how to build a website, plugins, and all the things that go into creating a website, it won’t be easy setting up a blog to make money. I’m techy challenged, but I know some things and go to YouTube to figure out how to do things I don’t know. BUT, if you’re a person, who finds doing anything with creating a website, a HUGE mystery and do not want to tackle figuring out the mystery have some cash (a lot) to pay someone to design the website for you.

Today, I figured out how to order the pages on my blog and there’s a glitch with it, because it’s suppose to put them in order automatically after I’ve done the work in WordPress. And, it’s not putting the pages in the order I want. Maybe, it needs a day to think about the order…LOL.

I put in social media icons that takes readers directly to my social media pages. I put in an RSS feed from my Facebook page. And, I really don’t know the purpose of an RSS feed, but from what I’ve read from monetizing a blog it is a MUST to have on your blog. I’m not even sure I did the RSS feed right…LOL. I, still, need to figure out how to put something on my blog that allows readers to sign up to my RSS feed.

Note: If you want to monetize your blog, websites that offer affiliate programs have you fill out an application then you wait for them to approve it. I’m still waiting for PetSmart, PetCo and Google Adsense to approve me.

This was my adventures, today, with creating my blog/website.

Girl Power: Guys are Just the Cherry on Top

martinicherry

Let me explain…

If I had a daughter, I would tell her to focus on herself, her career and her life if she wants to be happy. And that Happiness is not going to be found by having some Man in her life. It’s up to her to complete her life and not depend on a Man to complete it.

Her life should be like a martini or if martinis aren’t your thing than a milkshake and the Man is the Cherry on top. By viewing life this way, she will already be fulfilled with her life, be happy and independent. When the right Man comes along he’ll add flavor to an already enriched life. She won’t rely on him to make her life more fulfilling, be her reason to be happy or be there to solely improve her life.

By having a martini or milkshake life, she can have a healthy relationship where the two of them can enjoy what each other bring to the table. They will be able to compliment each other. And, they won’t be co-dependent on one another.

I was raised to believe my goal in life should be to find a husband, get married and have kids and that was it. When I went to college one of my uncles asked me if I found a boyfriend and my response was I didn’t go to college to find a boy. He looked at me like I was some kinda alien and I knew he was wondering why I went to college…LOL.

Despite having the independent side and getting that my life should be like a martini, there was a part of me that was influenced by how I was raised. This could be one of the reasons my marriage failed. I depended on my ex too much. During my marriage, I kept trying to make my life a martini and, obviously, something went wrong during my pursuit for the career I desired and the happiness I searched for.

The other day I realized I really don’t want to be in a relationship right now, because when I would get on the dating sites there was constant conflict inside me about whether I wanted to date now. I kept telling myself I wanted to focus on my writing and my life.

Then it came to me. My life is not a Martini, yet, so I’m getting ahead of myself trying to find that Cherry.

Girl Power: Moving On…continued

know-your-self-worth

I guess I got over my writer’s block…lol.

This goes with my previous post Moving On and with The Seed’s for Life blog, A Letter to Anyone Who Seeks a Fulfilling Relationship. The failed relationship with the guy I was dating I am, also, guilty of it failing.

Ladies, we were either not taught or forgot the power we behold as women. And, we forget or have no self-worth. I was married for so long that I forgot my self-worth and the power I behold in dealing with a man.

We, as women, have all the control from the beginning of a relationship how a man is going to respect us. We decide when it’s time to meet the guy. During the date, we decide how this guy is going to respect us by what we allow him to do. If he is not the gentleman we seek or has the qualities we want, we decide if we want to continue the date. We decide if we want to go on a second date. We decide if we want to kiss the guy at the end of the date. We decide how far we let the guy go sexually. We set the boundaries to what is acceptable behavior, acceptable conversation and how men are going to respect us.

After being married for so long and not dating, I was a bit rusty at the dating game, but I picked up on things quick after my failed first time out in the field.

But during my first attempt at dating, I made some mistakes that The Seed’s for Life blog, A Letter to Anyone Who Seeks a Fulfilling Relationship blog points outOne, I became secure in my insecurities. My ex complained about everything about me and I let that affect me where I thought I was flawed. Who would want this flawed person that has so much baggage? Two, being a settler, yes, I was okay with being single, because I was afraid to let someone into my imperfect world. Three, Being someone that isn’t me, I kept quiet about things that bothered me when I was dating this guy, because of my ex telling me how negative, how opinionated, and how hostile I was.

What I know now, I let my ex’s complaining affect my self-worth and I forgot about the Great parts of me. After dating this guy, I realized it’s okay that I’m flawed and have baggage. I just need to find the right guy, who doesn’t criticize my flaws and baggage, but encourages and supports me. Taking the plunge and dating, I’m not afraid anymore to let someone into my imperfect world, because their world may be just as imperfect as mine. Lastly, from now on, I’m just going to be me and if the guy can’t handle it, well, the door swings both ways and there will be a guy out there that can deal with the DIVA me and my softer side.

So Ladies remember the Power within you, be yourself and know your self-worth.

Girl Power: Rottweilers

Rottweilers

Rottweilers are gentle Giants. They possess qualities that I think women/girls should have.

This breed is naturally Alpha dogs and if you’re not a Leader to a Rottweiler, they will step up to the plate and be Alpha with you and other dogs.

You have to gain the Rottweiler’s respect for them to follow you and see you as Alpha.

Fiercely protective of property and loved ones.

Proud breed that doesn’t lack self-confidence.

Extremely loving, if a Rottweiler is aggressive and vicious, it’s because a human raised them that way.

Loyal, this breed will be your best friend forever.

Stubborn, they are very determined dogs and super smart.

Independent, they will be part of the pack, but are not needy.

If I had a daughter, I would show her how to be Alpha to a Rottweiler, because it really helps a person to have confidence, to be calm, assertive and be a leader. Rottweilers are a challenging breed to prove your Alpha. You have to have a strong personality with them and not be afraid to be assertive.

NOT Aggressive, be Assertive.

All dogs read energy. Aggressive energy tells them a dog or person is unstable, so they will not follow unstable energy.

By practicing calm and assertive energy, this helps a person to stay level headed even in challenging situations. Rotties are challenging so they will make you practice being calm and assertive a lot.

Since a person has to gain a Rottweiler’s respect, this teaches females that they should, also, have that quality. Yes, men want unconditional respect, but females remember you deserve respect, too. If a man wants to be respected as a man, think like a Rottweiler and only give respect if the man has shown he is worthy of your time, love and being your king by respecting you.

Rotties are strong and proud creatures, but are a puddle of love and not afraid to show that love. Ladies, we can be strong females and be very loving. If a man is intimidated by your strength, he’s not the man for you. If a man takes advantage of your love, then be like a Rottie and show him the Independent side of you by walking away.

So Ladies, my point in this blog is be Strong, Independent, a Leader and to possess these qualities doesn’t mean you have to be a Bitch. It means you are smart, confident, know what you want and not afraid to share your heart with the right person.

Girl Power: He’s Just Not That Into You

hesjustnotthatintoyou

If I had a daughter, I would have her watch this movie, because it’s right on when it comes to guys.

How do I know this? Because I’ve been there, experienced it and know better now.

Some quotes from the movie:

hjniyquoute

hjniyquoute2

hjniyquoute3

hjniyquoute4.jpg

Hard to read?

Making excuses for the guy not calling and his behavior?

STOP!!

Making excuses and think about what you want from a guy and what you want in a relationship. Then compare that to the guy you are wanting, is he doing what you want and do you have the relationship you want? If the answer is no, it’s time to move on and find your King, who is going to treat you like a Queen.

Remember, despite that this guy doesn’t want you, it’s not about you. It’s about whatever hangups he has, what he thinks he wants in a mate and his relationship issues. There’s nothing you can do about any of those things if the guy isn’t into you and not wanting a relationship with YOU.

There are plenty of guys out there that will be into you. It’s up to you to dump the baggage of past relationships and find him.

Relationships: Communication

Communication-To-A-Relationship-Inspirational-Life-Quotes

I saw this quote and it pretty much sums up how a relationship falls apart. And if the communication is bad, the marriage crumbles, too.

If you’re in a marriage or a relationship, the two of you are fighting a lot or the only communication is fighting. It’s headed for divorce.

Several years, my ex and I fought. The arguing just increased and became worse with each passing year.

If you’re dating someone, the communication leads to fighting or the two of you aren’t communicating at all. The relationship will probably end soon.

If you’re wanting to get back with someone, one of you is not communicating with the person you dated. The guy/girl is not interested anymore.

So conclusion, pay attention to the communication going on between you and your partner or the guy/girl you want, because it’s a red flag. If it’s not good communication or one is not communicating at all, well, it’s time to fix it if you’re married or in a relationship. If you’re trying to get back with a guy/girl, it’s time to let go and move on.

Girl Power: Use Your Brain not Your Body

girlpower

After seeing the HIV post about Atlanta, Georgia, 1 and 51 are infected with HIV just in Atlanta. I did some HIV research to see what was going on in America. And I have to say, I’m worried about the future of young girls.

From working with people living with HIV, I know it’s easier for a woman than a man to contract the HIV virus. I knew that HIV infections was growing within the African American and Hispanic population.

I’m going to start writing blogs that focus on Empowering Women. These HIV statistics that I included in this blog that I obtained from the Colorado AIDS Project website tells me that women are not educating themselves about HIV. They are not taking control of their lives and not taking care of themselves.

Knowledge is power. The more informed we are about HIV the more we know the importance of protecting ourselves.

Ladies, Get Tested. Talk to your partner about sex. And make the guy wear a condom. If the guy doesn’t want to wear a condom, then dump him, because he, clearly, does not care about your health and does not care about YOU.

Statistics:

United States Estimates from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicate that there are over 56,300 new infections of HIV each year in the United States and about 1.1 million people living with HIV /AIDS. Every 9.5 seconds someone in the United States is infected with HIV and 1 out of 5 people living with HIV are not aware that they have HIV.

Demographics Based on Kaiser Family Foundation:

Racial and Ethnic Minorities: Racial and ethnic minorities have been disproportionately affected by HIV/AIDS since the beginning of the epidemic, and represent the majority of new AIDS diagnoses, new HIV infections, people living with HIV/AIDS, and AIDS deaths.

Black Population:

Based on the CDC’s estimate of HIV/AIDS prevalence, there are more than 500,000 Blacks living with HIV and AIDS in the U.S. Analysis of national household survey data found that 2% of Blacks in the U.S. were HIV positive, higher than any other group. Blacks also have the highest rate of new HIV infections and new AIDS diagnoses of any racial/ethnic group. HIV is a leading cause of dealth for this population.

MSM Population:

Despite declines in HIV infection rates among gay and bisexual men since the early years of the epidemic, they continue to be at high risk for HIV. Gay and bisexual men account for an estimated 53% of new HIV infections, and are the only group for which new infections are on the rise. Hispanics/Latinos: Hispanics/Latinos account for about 17% of all new HIV infections occurring in the United States. HIV/AIDS is also a leading cause of death for Hispanic/Latino men.

Female Population:

Today, women represent a larger share of new HIV infections compared to earlier in the epidemic. Based on the CDC’s most recent estimates, close to 280,000 women are living with HIV and AIDS in the U.S. Women of color are particularly affected. Black women accounted for two thirds (64%) of new AIDS diagnoses among women in 2009; Latinas represented 18% and white women, 15%.

Youth:

Young adults and teens, under the age of 30, continue to be at risk, with those between the ages of 13 and 29 accounting for about 34% of new HIV infections; the largest share of any age group. Most young people are infected sexually. Among young people, minorities have been particularly affected. Black teens represented 68% of AIDS diagnoses among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 21%. Perinatal HIV transmission, from an HIV infected mother to her baby, has declined significantly in the U.S., largely due to ARVs which can prevent mother-to-child transmission.

Links:

Kaiser Family Foundatoin’s

US Fact Sheet HIV/AIDS in the U.S. Fact Sheets