Confession : Number Ten

icecreamcone

During the summer time, I have an addiction to ice cream. I eat it pretty much EVERY day. It’s only during the summer that I eat ice cream, because as soon as the weather changes to cold I lose interest in it.

Yesterday, I decided to get a McDonald’s ice cream cone. The first McDonalds I went to their ice cream machine was not working. I was devastated, of course…LOL. Because I was set on eating a McDonald’s ice cream cone.

I didn’t give up and went to another McDonalds not far away…LOL.

Their machine was not broke! And, the day was a success and I got my ice cream fix for the day! LOL

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Life, Death and Regrets

Communication-apart

Today, my heart is heavy and the spark to do anything just wasn’t there. In the early evening, it dawned on me that I was depressed. I thought about my dad and my regret that I never told him how I felt before he died.

My relationship with my father was not the best. We conflicted with each other, my temper I learned from him and he taught me to be like a guy and not show emotion, unless it was anger. It’s because of him that I don’t cry and feel I’m showing weakness when the tears escape my control.

All day, I’ve struggled with my feelings and if I should express them. If I don’t express them, will this be another regret that I will have? I’ve debated whether I should write this blog and at one point I thought I should, because, maybe, there’s someone out there, who has dealt with what I’m dealing with now and can give me insight on what to do.

A big part of me just feels like I should just take the risk and express how I feel. I mean what do I have to lose and I already know that hurt heals. And, I know I would regret not saying how I feel if something bad were to happen.

The guy I was dating told me last night that he is going to be deployed. He’s in the Air Force and when he told me about the deployment I, immediately, told him I wanted to see him before he left.

It’s been five months since we went our separate ways. There’s been little communication between us and when we have communicated it seemed to push us further away from each other. I’ve tried to get over him and move on, but I haven’t been able to stop feeling the way I do for him.

Before we parted ways, I told him how I felt. I wanted to be with only him and I really liked him. It seemed like expressing my feelings was a mistake, because he told me he wasn’t feeling it and there was no future between us. He wanted to continue things between us, but I didn’t see the point when he told me his feelings were not growing for me, we had no future together and to continue things between us, I would just be his fuck toy and feel used.

I’ve tried to meet someone else. I’ve chatted with guys, but my heart was never in it. Some of the guys, they were really HOT and I would have been very interested in them, IF, I wasn’t still wanting the guy I dated.

How he feels towards me, now? I have no idea. When I expressed that I still missed him and wished he wasn’t in Texas, his response was, “Awwe, thanks.” Does this mean he has no feelings for me or is he just being a guy and keeping his feelings in check?

All day, I’ve struggled with should I tell him how I feel or just remain quiet. Part of me fears that if I tell him how I feel he’ll push me away, again, like he did before when I told him how I felt. The other part of me knows if he were to die during his deployment I would regret not telling him how I felt.

Confession: Number Nine

texting

It really annoys me when people don’t answer my text. Well, when I ask someone to work for me and they don’t answer. If a person doesn’t want to work the shift or has to check their schedule, text back and let me know if it’s a yes, no, or maybe.

Rarely, I ask for people to work my shift, because it’s graves and I know it’s harder than hell to get the shift covered. But, this time it’s important, because I have a friend flying in the day I have to work.

Ok, that’s my rant for the day…lol

Confession: Number Eight

zone_4

I’ve been in the Zone for the past 6 days.

When I’m working on my writing nothing else exists and pretty much everything gets ignored. This use to drive my ex crazy, because I was so focused on my goals and neglected him, housekeeping, cooking and pretty much everything.

Balance, I’m still working on this, but I slip and go into the Zone when I get obsessed at accomplishing, finishing or conquering a goal I’ve set for myself.

On Fridays, when it’s my four days off I’ve learned to just clean my place right when I get home from work. This way it gets done and I’ve done something other than focus on finishing my book.

My dogs force me to stop and exercise, because they can’t be neglected. They can’t walk themselves…lol. Or take care of themselves.

And, I did take time and have some fun during the six days. So, I’m improving and not completely immersing myself in my work.

Confession: Number Seven

prince2

I’ve been procrastinating by watching Prince videos. As I was watching a live version of Hot Thing, it reminded me that when I¬†was a teenager I thought about becoming a dancer. Not a ballerina kind of dancer, but one that tours with music artists.

It’s the only regret I can think of not pursuing the dream of shimming and shaking with some HOT vocal talents and touring with them all over the world.

Being one of Prince’s backup dancers, now that would have been the BEST life experience, probably, even better than skydiving. Along with dancing with Usher, Bruno Mars, Ricky Martin, Nelly, Lady Gaga, Lenny Kravitz, some artists, whose music I love.

Damn, shoulda, woulda, coulda, jumped down the rabbit hole of dancing, my only life regret.

Confession: Number Five

images-2

I’ve procrastinated getting my taxes done, but I’m sure there are millions of other American citizens, who have done the same…LOL.

If my accountant didn’t stop being an accountant, my taxes would be done by now. I’m going to a new tomorrow.

Hopefully, I won’t owe thousands of dollars and they do everything possible to get me a nice return.

Confession: Number Four

download.jpg

I hate parking garages. Why? They freak me out and I find them scary.

They’re enclosed and so many floors. I feel it’s easy to be attacked by some perverted guy in them, because it would be hard to escape.

It’s easy for me to get lost and I always forget where I parked my vehicle in them.

That’s why I didn’t get my parking at work changed for a long time. But I’ve been kicked out of the emergency parking lot and banished to the dreaded parking garage.

Confession: Number Three

refrigerator

I’m horrible about cleaning out my refrigerator. It’s not a favorite task of mine. And it, usually, gets done when I can’t fit anymore food into my fridge..lol.

If a stranger looked in my fridge, they would find science experiments, food that’s way past the expiration date and possibly stuff that can’t be identified due to being forgotten for a long time.

This is a bad habit I need to work on. Maybe, tomorrow, I’ll start. MAYBE.

Confession: Number One

zeus

I’m an Over Feeder.

There, I’ve admitted to it and now the World knows.

Zeus is overweight. His body looks like a tootsie roll. He was too shy to show his whole self, so I got this picture of him. After I put the shirt on him, he was ok with me taking a selfie of him.

It would be better for Zeus if he lost like ten pounds. I can’t run him, because he was hit by a car a couple years ago. He didn’t heal back to normal so his running days are over.

I try to feed my pups less, but then I feel guilty that I’m starving them. Why do I feel like this? I don’t know.

Is there an Over Feeder Anonymous Group?