Love, Trust and A Broken Heart

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One of my friends wanted my advice about dating the other day.

She explained what was going on with her and asked me some questions. It made me think about my experiences with guys.

All of us have experienced falling in love and giving our trust to one person then have them shred our heart into a million little pieces. After our heart is broken, it’s hard to ever trust another person and let them into our heart.

I thought about my college boyfriend, who shredded my heart and made it hard for me to trust another guy. It was my ex, who I started dating after my college boyfriend, and how long it took me to trust and open my heart. Before I was able to trust and love, again, I made my ex pay for the pain, lies and cheating that my college boyfriend put me through.

It was after I was married to my ex I realized how wrong it was for making him deal with the wrath of what another man did to me.

And, I have been on the receiving end of one’s wrath, whose heart was broken and unable to trust due to what their ex did.

Trusting someone after your heart has been shattered, it’s hard. Why? Because pain sucks.

We don’t choose to feel pain. In fact, we avoid pain at any cost. Right?

But from everything I’ve experienced and all the pain I’ve endured, I’ve learned one can not escape pain. It’s part of life. So, one must deal with the pain. Feel it. Endure it. And, eventually, the pain will lessen.

It’s the only way to feel whole, again. To be able to live your life with no fear of letting someone into your heart after it’s been broken.

Scammers: Tinder

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I’m sharing this to warn those on dating sites hoping to find the love of their life. While on Tinder, I happen to run into one of these scammers that pose as an active duty U.S. military soldier. Their goal is to scam money making you believe that they are in love with you and want to get married.

As I was chatting with this guy, he told me he was in Africa. Red Flag number one. I wondered why was he in Africa. Wouldn’t he be in Afghanistan or Syria, where the U.S. are now? After chatting for a few days, the dude tells me he’s in love with me. Red Flag number two. I believe in love and love can happen in a short time, like six months, but not two days. He told me he could take leave for a couple weeks to a month. Red Flag number three. This didn’t sound right to me, because I dated a guy in the Air Force and I didn’t recall him telling me he could take leave when he was deployed.

So, I looked this up on Google about military taking leave during deployment. An article about these scammers was one of the top search sites to appear. As I read the article, the tips about these scammers was what this guy was doing with me.

I continued talking to this guy (texting back and forth on our phones) until he revealed how they get the money from unsuspecting females looking for love. They tell females they will take leave and tell their commanding officer they want leave to get married. He told me I had to write a letter to his commanding officer requesting he take leave and my desire to marry him. The scammer explained his commanding officer would contact me and ask for money to cover his absence, cost to come home, etc. As soon as, I had this information I stopped talking to him.

This other person texts me wanting to know why I stopped talking to this guy and the guy kept texting me wanting to know why I wasn’t talking to him. Being me, I told them to stop texting me and I knew their scam. Silence from both of them after I sent that text.

After I found out about these scammers, I get on Tinder searching for these fake military profiles. I chat with them until I know for sure they are scammers then report them. It doesn’t take long, because they ask the same questions, they can’t speak English very well and some of them I don’t think they can read English, and they are always deployed to Kabul, Syria or Africa.

Out of all the military guys I’ve matched with on Tinder and it’s a lot, there were 2, who were actually real military guys based here in Colorado. The rest (I’d say 30) who I’ve talked to have been fake accounts. I’ll keep going on Tinder and matching with these military guys to expose that they are scammers, because I think it’s horrible what they are doing.

My dad served in the Army, I have family members, who were in the military, and my ex his grandfathers fought in World War II and the Korean War, so I know the sacrifices our military deal with by serving our country. It’s shitty how these scammers are preying on women and probably men, too, using their hope in finding love to rob them of money.

These scammers need to GET A JOB!

Marriage: Forever Til Death Do Us Part

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I was reading this book about relationships and I came across this passage, “There’s a common misconception that when a relationship ends, it must be someone’s fault..But what if you both simply lacked the knowledge you needed at that time to build a great partnership? Or what if you were mismatched from the get-go? Or what if that particular relationship was meant to be a learning, rather than a lasting, experience?”

We’ve been taught from probably the beginning of time that marriage is forever. Divorce should not be an option.

But divorce does happen.

And, we’ve been taught to feel like we’ve failed when our marriages end. We blamed our mate and ourselves for the divorce. The blaming made us feel like shit and made us wonder what the hell was wrong with us as a person.

But what if we stopped blaming and feeling like we failed and just learn from the marriage?

If we focused on what we learned from the marriage, would the divorce rate for our second marriages decrease?

Me, Myself and I

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I read Savingshards blog, Better Alone. Or Not. It made me think about my marriage and ex. There were moments I wondered if I shouldn’t have left then I remember how I feel when I’m around my ex.

This past Monday my ex and I took our pups hiking. We can do things together and not kill each other…LOL. However, we get on each other’s nerves every time we are together. Why? Because, all the things that annoyed us about each other really aggravate us now that we are not married. Ironically, during the hike, we talked about how we piss each other off.

Some of our friends wonder how we can be civil to one another and be friends. We get along, because we choose to be this way. Getting along, this does not equal that we are BFFs. Also, I don’t feel it’s necessary to be a Bitch or mean to my ex. I think that behavior is juvenile and I’d rather be positive when there’s so much negative in the world.

During the hike, my ex asked me if I was seeing anyone. I told him I hadn’t found anyone that had the qualities I’m looking for. My ex told me I shouldn’t be so picky and that guys, who have been married and older, there are only a few that want to get married, again.

Being on my own, I’ve realized that it’s better to be alone than be unhappy and married. We loved each other, but I was married to someone, who didn’t give me the respect I wanted, who wasn’t attentive to my needs, who didn’t appreciate me and who didn’t know how to support me emotionally.

I’d rather be alone than with some guy, who I’m not in love with, who disrespects me and who I’m miserable with more than I’m happy. I’m not going to be with any guy just to be with someone.

The next guy I marry he will have all the qualities I’m looking for. I won’t lie to myself and say he’ll change. Every guy, I meet I’ll see them for who they are and not what I hope they will change into. I won’t settle.

I choose Happiness over having a Man in my life.

Being alone is not so bad. I’m content and happy being with Me, Myself and I.

Life Moments

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Often, I’m in my head thinking about life and what has happened, figuring out what I’m supposed to understand and if I’m at a crossroads.

I think all of us experience moments in life where we need to stop, think and figure out the moment we find ourselves in.

Many times I’ve experiened these moments. Some were not so big and others were life changing. But I learned something from each one.

When my dad was at the end stages of his cancer a part of me knew I was in a life moment. But, I let my fears and the conflict between my father and me get in the way of embracing that moment. I never told my dad I loved him and I didn’t try to resolve the conflict between us before he died. And, I regretted this.

I was in school when my mom found out she had lung cancer. Another life moment. These life moments don’t always happen at convenient times nor at times when we feel ready for them. They make their appearance and we can embrace them or ignore them.

Also, my ex and I were in Disney World on our honeymoon when I got the call my mother was in the Emergency room and she had cancer. We packed our bags and flew to Iowa.

As I sat there in the hospital with mom, a feeling came over me and I knew my time with her was going to end soon. So, I didn’t go back to graduate school, stayed in Iowa and I took care of her.

I spent what time my mother had left with her and made sure I had no regrets. I shared thoughts and feelings about my life with her, I tried to be there for her and I shared her last life moments with my mother.

When she died I had no regrets, but life memories that would help me later in life.

I find myself in another life moment as I write this. From what I’ve learned from past life moments, I know to just embrace this moment with no fear amd see where it takes me.

Love Unconditionally

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I’ve been fortunate to experience being in love and being loved. It’s really sad if one has never experienced being loved. I think of all the kids living in orphanages waiting for a family and waiting for someone to love them.

This could have been me. I started my life in an orphanage. But, I was One of the Lucky ones to be adopted and adopted by people, who geniunely loved me like their own.

It’s because of my parents that I feel loved and know how to love.

Now, the title of this blog, Love Unconditionally, I want all of you to think about whether you have loved someone where your heart felt full of kindess, understanding, caring and desire for someone. And, you expected nothing in return.

I had this feeling last night about someone.

Love is in my heart for him. And, I expect nothing from him. Sure, I desire him to love me back, but I understand this may never happen. And, I’m ok with it.

Why?

Because, what I know now is loving unconditionally means just love. Feel what’s in your heart. Don’t love so you can get love back, because it’s not guaranteed that loving someone that they will love you.

Loving unconditionally with no expectations, it leaves me peaceful inside and I feel good just caring and sharing my love.

Life: We Take it for Granted

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I’ll never understand how one can kill another living being.

With all the violence happening recently and in the past (Alton Sterling, Louisiana,  Orlando, France, 911 and the list seems endless), one must question does anyone value life?

The lives lost that don’t make the news from child abuse, gang shootings, sex trafficking, dog fighting, child labor and the many other dark acts of the souless should not exist. BUT, they do.

How does one lose compassion or never have it?

Tragedies and loss could be the reason for the loss of compassion,  but I feel it’s a choice the person has made to have no compassion and choose to hate, to harm and to not value life.

I’ve had tragedy and loss. I could have chosen a very different and dark life, drug addiction, suicide, victim, etc. I understand the pain from tragedy and loss. But, I never allowed myself to lose compassion.

What will it take to change the part of the world that is void of compassion?

Us, who value life and whose hearts are not closed to love, to being kind, open to understanding and want change, we will need to infect compassion into the compassionless world.

How to be Single

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I just watched How to be Single and it was really funny, but I didn’t expect it to be serious. Dakota’s character struggled with figuring out who she was. She meets a guy, who is still grieving over the death of his wife. And, of course, Love is discussed in the movie in many different scenarios.

The whole time I was watching this movie I was thinking about being single.

I don’t mind being Single. It’s very peaceful. But it can get lonely.

Dating sucks. But I haven’t been on any dates, except, one and that was with the guy I dated almost six months ago. However, I have chatted with some guys and there was no spark with any of them. Yes, spark is possible just from texting and there wasn’t even a tingle with any of them.

With the guy I dated, there was crazy chemistry between us even before we physically met. After we met, sparks like fireworks ignited. We clicked and the desire for each other was so Hot.

I’m looking for that when I’m talking to a guy.

And or, maybe, I’m too focused on me, because I really have no desire to find Mr. Right at the moment.

But if Prince Charming were to come into my life and Love blossomed between us, I would ride the Love adventure and see where it takes me.

Girl Power: Guys are Just the Cherry on Top

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Let me explain…

If I had a daughter, I would tell her to focus on herself, her career and her life if she wants to be happy. And that Happiness is not going to be found by having some Man in her life. It’s up to her to complete her life and not depend on a Man to complete it.

Her life should be like a martini or if martinis aren’t your thing than a milkshake and the Man is the Cherry on top. By viewing life this way, she will already be fulfilled with her life, be happy and independent. When the right Man comes along he’ll add flavor to an already enriched life. She won’t rely on him to make her life more fulfilling, be her reason to be happy or be there to solely improve her life.

By having a martini or milkshake life, she can have a healthy relationship where the two of them can enjoy what each other bring to the table. They will be able to compliment each other. And, they won’t be co-dependent on one another.

I was raised to believe my goal in life should be to find a husband, get married and have kids and that was it. When I went to college one of my uncles asked me if I found a boyfriend and my response was I didn’t go to college to find a boy. He looked at me like I was some kinda alien and I knew he was wondering why I went to college…LOL.

Despite having the independent side and getting that my life should be like a martini, there was a part of me that was influenced by how I was raised. This could be one of the reasons my marriage failed. I depended on my ex too much. During my marriage, I kept trying to make my life a martini and, obviously, something went wrong during my pursuit for the career I desired and the happiness I searched for.

The other day I realized I really don’t want to be in a relationship right now, because when I would get on the dating sites there was constant conflict inside me about whether I wanted to date now. I kept telling myself I wanted to focus on my writing and my life.

Then it came to me. My life is not a Martini, yet, so I’m getting ahead of myself trying to find that Cherry.

Bridget and Louie

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A happy ending to another case of abuse and neglect. Bridget and Louie were lucky they were surrendered to a Texas Animal Shelter, because it led them to love and a better life.

Louie, the black dog, clung to Bridget in the animal shelter. They were fostered by a loving couple while waiting for a furever home. The foster couple helped Bridget and Louie get healthy, trust and show them the good dog life.

Bridget and Louie are now with their furever family in San Diego. To learn about their journey from abuse to love, visit their Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/The-Adventures-of-Bridget-and-Louie-166457707049638/timeline

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Before and After Pics

The difference Love and proper care makes in a dog’s life.